If its delicate restorative work was enough to fool my weary critical eyes, then job done, right? We can slap a recommended badge at the top of the page and pop down to the circus maximus for the afternoon. I suppose this is a compliment to Forgotten Empires, the developer Microsoft has put at the helm of this remaster.

And that's not the only thing I had apparently forgotten, as when I launched this new Definitive Edition, my first thought was 'huh, it looks like Age of Empires.' Then I looked up what Age of Empires actually looked like back in 1997, and realised that I can never trust my eyes again. In my mind it's a comfort-soup game, one of whiling away hours building pretty little cities on luscious isometric maps, rather than of bringing fire and sword to all four corners of its square, two-dimensional worlds. It's just that my fusty old brain has forgotten what playing it is like. Of course, Age of Empires has always been a challenging game. When did imperialism get so darned difficult? It's almost like they don't want to be homogenised into a civilisation built on slaves that will eventually be subjugated by another civilisation built on slaves. Naturally those gurning Neanderthals pay no heed, constantly harrying your perfectly innocuous attempt to dominate the entire Aegean peninsula.

Guys, I'm trying to build the foundation of western culture here. Yet you've barely erected your town centre when those red-skirted sods come to smash it with their clubs. After a relatively straightforward time guiding the Egyptians to supremacy, the campaign mode tasks you with building a Greek state, starting with a small agricultural hub. It may be over 20 years since Age of Empires first conquered our PC screens, but the Pelasgians are still monumental gits.

Age of empires 1 remaster